I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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