my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
