dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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