hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
