I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
