There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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