She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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