If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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