This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
