They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Randomize
