idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
