Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
