I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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