so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
