How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
