You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
