She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
