He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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