I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
