Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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