WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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