We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
