do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
