Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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