I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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