Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
