You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
