you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
