gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
