Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
