Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
