You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
