i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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