you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Boobs are out for the taking
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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