can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
