I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize