I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
