Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
