I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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