quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
