The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
