And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
