Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize