think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
