now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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