toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
