Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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