I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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