White coat. Heels.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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