just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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