Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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