Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
