you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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