Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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