all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
