I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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