I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
