it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
