Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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