Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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