You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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