Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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