wake up i wanna do it froggy style
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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