sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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