Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
