I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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