i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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