No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
