Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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