I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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