his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize