fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
