at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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