I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
