I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
